There's an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with,
"How are you?"
And "I'm fine..."
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about everything else -- except
the elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk.
It is constantly on our minds, for you see,
it is a very big elephant.
But we do not talk about the elephant
in the room
Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant
in the room.
For if we talk about her death,
perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say her name and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, you are leaving me alone,
in a room... with an elephant.
This poem was written by Terry Kettering. It is a classic example of how someone
who is bereaved feels when people do not mention the deceased. You do not have to be
a counselor to be a friend. You do not have to know what to say...you just have to
BE THERE. It is perfectly ok to say "I'm sorry this happened" and
nothing more. Let your friend do the talking. Your presence is a gift.
So many people do not know what to say -- and, therefore, avoid the person who is
grieving. You don't have to say much.....just listen...and be
there.
Tre-Angeli is a non-profit organization who works with victims of trauma and other
grief. We also provide email pen-pal support.
If you would like to ask
questions or just have some support, please email: mailto:DocHeartache@gmail.com
You will be answered either the same day or within 24 hours of your email.
In addition to professional degrees, our training comes from:
The International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc., which uses the Mitchell Model
for Critical Incident Stress debriefing
University of Florida
University of San Diego
Loma Linda University Medical Center
Cal State University at San Bernardino
We are members of:
